And my client wrote,
“I’m writing to you in the middle of a 24-hour shift (as an EMT) at the ambulance station. It involves a lot of sitting around in between calls. The fluorescent lights are humming a low buzz, a pizza box is cracked open on the table in front of me with the scent of greasy pepperoni seeping into the air.
I’m uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in this building, uncomfortable in my body, and uncomfortable in my life. The big screen TV is turned on in the corner of the room at high volume, and I can’t find anything safe or remotely soothing to look at.
I have spent the last four days obsessing over how to stop bingeing. One minute I feel obsessed with eating healthy — cooking a nourishing meal and eating an amount that feels good in my body.
And the next, I find myself getting into my car to drive to the nearest gas station to buy cereal and ice cream.
Like a possessed robot, with no control. The thoughts of food haunt me. And I’ve started purging again. Desperate to get the food out. Desperate for it not to infiltrate my cells and my spirit. It feels like poison. I feel like poison.
I know that I’m dealing with some serious stuff. I know it’s related to so many other things — anxiety, HSP (i.e., being a highly sensitive person), depression, trauma, habits, low self-esteem.
I feel lost and alone. I immediately start crying when I think about all the different therapy outlets I’ve pursued, certain each time that it will help me turn things around. And, somehow, I feel like nothing ever changes.
The common denominator is me. I’m the one that can’t figure out how to change, despite so many different support systems I’ve been given. I want to live a different life. It feels just out of reach.
I’m writing this mostly just to get it out. I don’t need or expect a response. It is helpful just to say it to someone. Thanks for being in my corner.”
These powerful words are from a relatively new client sent via an email I received late one night.
The first thing I said silently to myself was, “I love you, thank you, please forgive me, I’m sorry,” to myself. I’ll explain why later.
Getting “back home” is something we all try to do. Home, to me, means that peaceful place deep inside where there is nothing but calm (a place most of us long for but rarely touch).
I suspect that this client is dealing with what’s known in Chinese Medicine as “Yin Fire,” meaning there is excess heat (and phlegm) hidden deep in her body that is causing these heavy emotions and wild fluctuations in moods–perhaps caused by food choices or by digestive issues (or both)…each one fuelling the other, perpetuating a cycle of dis-ease and crazy cravings.
Possibly she is dealing with SIBO (Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth) or Leaky Gut Syndrome….
Simply put: the emotions are exacerbated by an organ energy in disarray or whose energy is “off” creating a dis-eased body and spirit.
One thing is for certain: at this moment in time, excess digestive fire (heat) is eating up her highly sensitive soul.
The creative, highly sensitive spirit is such a gift to the universe (and to us all). But their “pilot light” is tenuous at times (especially if they are dealing with undiagnosed health issues).
What is healing? It comes from the Old English hǣlan (meaning to restore to sound health); related to Dutch heelen and German heilen. This is also related to wholeroot, meaning to be whole. I like to think that “healing” means “to become whole.”
That’s what I attempt to do in my work: to help people become whole. And Creativity is one of the four cornerstones of that work, as is Chinese Medicine’s approach to food and the inter-play between our energy and emotions. This blended outreach works well for many.
During those moments of intense writing, my client actually connected not only to powerful emotions and truth but, ironically, to deep peace. This dualism is the gift of any creative act… Word by word she opens the door to healing. Word by word she weaves through her pain until a new cloth of self is finished.
And she, through this article, is sharing them with you.
Using “creativity” as a healing tool might seem an unusual way to approach well-being. Yet our honest voices, our clear vision and the truth of our inner core are powerful energy, powerful medicine. I am humbled to be a witness to these transformations.
I would be so grateful to you if you too could see creativity (in its many forms) as a healing tool.
Healing is often complex but from a Classical Chinese Medicine perspective it always involves healing the body, mind and spirit.
I personally believe that any form of Creativity feeds the spirit. Rebalancing the physical via dietetics is the next phase. All is fixable once we get the right diagnosis, and once we become aligned with our destiny.
There is a core belief in Chinese Medicine that the moment we move away from our true destiny we become more susceptible to dis-eases in many forms.
So why did I use the mantra, “I love you, thank you, please forgive me, I’m sorry,” to myself after reading my client’s email? First, know that it is an ancient Hawaiian healing technique called “Ho’oponopono.” This simple mantra spoken solely within (never outwardly to others) allows me to be my fullest, kindest and most loving self. Without judgement, it opens my heart to all, especially myself.
If it feels right, please adopt this mantra for yourself. Repeat it often. Silently. Just to your inner soul. When you are ruffled or unruffled, it doesn’t matter. It will help raise your heart connection to others and to yourself. Inevitably it will affect those around you.
Please add more creativity into your life. Often it is the way home. Certainly it is a way back to peace.
Love from Wakefield Quebec Canada.
Helene Anne Fortin
Helene Anne Fortin • kind mentor 